boy and girl hug at the club

what are two simple steps to more sexual contentment?

ONE: life is short – fuck yourself


The more comfortable you are with your own body, the more assertive you can be. Don’t always have wanks that are just quick releases. Take your time. Get some lube. Stick a finger up your arse. Play with your nipples. If that makes you feel cringe just reading it, ask yourself why? Why wouldn’t you experiment, because you’ve been taught that it’s lame or shameful? Throw that bullshit out the window. Or write it down on a piece of paper and then throw it away. 

This may be especially important if you’re a man, because the dogma is that a wank serves a purpose, as opposed to it being a time for exploring nice feelings.

A study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine that found nipple stimulation enhanced the sexual arousal in 51.7 percent of the men tested 

Don’t watch porn when you’re having the exploratory wanks, because it will interrupt your focus.

TWO: communication is key

Firstly, do it sensitively. Everyone has baggage. Feel free to tell people what you like, but always try and keep conversations positive or neutral because any irritation or accusation is going to harm your sex life.
Like ‘aww why do you never go down on me’ said as a joke in a whinging tone will not help you. But ‘babe, you know I love everything you do to me, but is there something I should know about why you don’t go down on me much anymore? I don’t mind what you say, I just want to ask’ should be better received. But that has to be genuine, if you are secretly pissed off, spend some time thinking about why, what you could do differently, and then speak to them when you can have a genuinely curious conversation.
Basically, don’t blurt stuff out. Be cool man. But do speak up.

But communication can also kill the vibe. It requires confidence.

Building confidence is a lifelong pursuit and it takes time to untangle ourselves from insecurities. Keep practising.

Read the prelude: Keeping up with the Joneses; is everyone else having more sex than you?

don’t beat around the bush


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