ONE: life is short – fuck yourself
The more comfortable you are with your own body, the more assertive you can be. Don’t always have wanks that are just quick releases. Take your time. Get some lube. Stick a finger up your arse. Play with your nipples. If that makes you feel cringe just reading it, ask yourself why? Why wouldn’t you experiment, because you’ve been taught that it’s lame or shameful? Throw that bullshit out the window. Or write it down on a piece of paper and then throw it away.
This may be especially important if you’re a man, because the dogma is that a wank serves a purpose, as opposed to it being a time for exploring nice feelings.
Don’t watch porn when you’re having the exploratory wanks, because it will interrupt your focus.
TWO: communication is key
But communication can also kill the vibe. It requires confidence.
Building confidence is a lifelong pursuit and it takes time to untangle ourselves from insecurities. Keep practising.
Read the prelude: Keeping up with the Joneses; is everyone else having more sex than you?