I Didn’t Want to Write This. But Here it is by Popular Demand: My Mooncup Review

I Didn’t Want to Write This. But Here it is by Popular Demand: My Mooncup Review

What is all the fuss about?

Pomegranate looking like womb, ovaries and blood
Warning: Contains explicit content ♦ & is not to be used as medical advice ♥ Disclaimer here

It’s happened a few times now; I mention to people that I’ve built a website to educate about contraception, and hormones, bodies, sex and relationships, and that sort of shebang and they say ‘Oh! So what do you think about mooncups?!’ And I’m like yeah duh they’re great wtf else would I use, but listen, they’re boring, let’s talk about stuff that’s more complex and exciting and revolutionary…

Then I realised- WAIT! Mooncups ARE revolutionary if you’ve never used one. So here’s my review.

What is a Mooncup?

This nice looking blonde woman on the Mooncup website is here to give you the basics:

Do make sure you thoroughly read the instructions when you get your own

Obvious benefit: You buy ONE. ONCE. (or every decade or so) and so you save a ridiculous amount of money over a lifetime by not having to constantly buy a load of various tampons and pads and mini pads and super tampons and pads with frickin wings and sh*t.

Second obvious benefit: They are good for the planet! Can you believe that IN ONE DAY Ocean Conservancy volunteers collected 27,938 used tampons and applicators on our world’s beaches. ONE DAY! That’s terrible AND rank.

Major benefits of the Mooncup

  • You buy one and reuse it each month, saving you thousands of pounds over a lifetime
  • As you only need one they are also very environmentally friendly
  • They are much less disgusting than used tampons and pads
Menstrual pad and at the train station
Southern Rail have received unprecedented customer complaints and so in a desperate attempt to get the feminists on their side; the company is now giving out free pads when you buy a ticket

There are some people who struggle at first with the insertion or removal of a Mooncup; but it’s so easy once you’ve gotten used to it. Sometimes when you put it up there you have to move your body around a bit until it settles into the correct position and you can no longer feel it. I also sometimes put a bit of coconut oil round the rim at the start of my period so that it glides in.

Putting a mooncup in is much nicer when it’s not bone dry and when it smells like coconuts.

What is it like to remove a little cup of period from your vagina?

First off it CAN NOT get lost in there, your vagina is not a bottomless pit, and secondly if you are struggling, just use your pelvic floor muscles to push it down.

Do not do what this woman from Cosmo did; which is freak out and try and use all her force to pull it out:

 It was then that the moon cup whipped out of my vagina and into the air, splattering blood all up my bathroom wall. Honestly, it was just like that scene from Psycho. I had recreated a crime scene in my shower. After a not-so-low-key scream, I cleaned the walls of my bathroom, naked and afraid.

Just use your vag muscles!

Dealing with the Mooncup that you’ve just taken out is fine. Sometimes it’s a bit gory, but you just get used to it. And it is FAR less disgusting than pulling out a warm droopy tampon from your dried out cottony pussy and then having to put it in some nasty bin that always has someone else’s used pad stuck to the goddamn lid flap. F*CK THAT.

F*CK THAT

I did have an exciting moment the other day when I was at work and had to change my Mooncup; there is no sink in the cubicle so I listened for footsteps and then dashed out and washed it and ran back behind the door with my heart pounding. (A simple way to avoid this would be to take a water bottle into the loo with you to wash it)

I can’t remember where I read it now but I once came across a wonderful tale of a woman who was in the toilets at a club and suddenly someone from inside a cubicle shouted Right ladies, I’m coming out to wash my mooncup! If you can’t handle that just look away because it is happening! I admire this woman.

Beetroot tea and a book
Don't worry - its just a beetroot latte

The cup of your blood (and endometrium) is also a very useful health indicator. The ‘average’ amount of blood loss per period is 30-40ml. Mooncups hold just under 30ml. Anything over 80ml is defined as ‘heavy bleeding’. I always considered my periods to be quite light but actually considering these guidelines perhaps they sometimes lean over to the heavy side. All the smoking and drinking and consumption of cheese of late definitely won’t be helping with my period health, so I’m not going to be concerned, but if you feel your periods are way heavier than the average you might want to consider buying the Period Repair Manual by Lara Briden as a start.

Good to Know:

  • The ‘average’ amount of blood loss per period is 30-40ml
  • Mooncups hold just under 30ml
  • A period that is over 80ml is defined as ‘heavy bleeding’

For your first few cycles it will be trial and error as to when you remove your Mooncup. After years of using mine I now know how long to leave it in according to each day of my period, resulting in minimal removals and no leaking (I leave it in for about 10 hours to 24 hours depending although I must stress that Mooncup recommend you change it every 8 hours to reduce risk of TSS). At first you might want to get some panty liners whilst you’re figuring out your timing. Also I highly recommend getting an app such as ‘Kindara’, if you haven’t already, to record the first day of each period so you know when you’re next one will be. This also means you can pre-emptively pop your cup in; periods tend to start in the early hours of the morning so if you put your cup in the night before you’ll never have stained sheets again!

(Quick note: some people mention boiling theirs in a pan each month to disinfect it. To me that sounds like far too much hard work. I did it once, when I bought the thing, but never since and have had no issues. I do however always make sure I wash it thoroughly and leave it to air dry each month.)

More benefits of the Mooncup

  • You have an indication of the health of your periods
  • You can go swimming
  • You can skip around naked

So what is life with a Mooncup really like?

IT’S FANTASTIC! One of the things that no one else seems to mention is the fact that YOU CAN BE NAKED! When your Mooncup is in properly you can’t feel it and you certainly can’t see it. Gone are the days when you had to shiftily get changed in front of someone; backed into the corner and hunched over like a little unbalanced gremlin in an attempt to hide your string or your pad from them. Gone too are the days of walking around in a semi-paranoid state wondering if anyone can see the padded lump between your legs, or having to ‘tuck in’ your tampon string between your lips so it doesn’t peek out your pants, or sharing a bed with someone and hoping they didn’t hear that rustling of your ‘sanitary’ towel that you just did… No wonder everyone wants to get rid of their periods.

Now every day you can dress as skimpily, sluttily, see-through-erly, short-skirt-erly as you like!

Arty cherries

You could even get head with a Mooncup in!!

WHAT???!!!

I mean, you might not want to.. But you could. I was with someone once and we had established that there would be no sex because it was my time of the month, but we were getting with each other in bed anyway and just keeping it at second-ish base. Then he went to Go Down There and I thought errrrrmm… (because I write about condoms and periods and that for a laugh you might presume I’m out there pushing the boundaries, but I’m pretty conservative really. I think.) but who the fuck wants to decline head when they’re already turned on and also really drunk?! Don’t worry though he just focused purely on the top part, ie The Clit (evidently neither of us are into vampire porn) and it was a little bit much because I couldn’t 100% relax but still nice nonetheless.

Also, I feel like, well done that guy.

Gone are the days when you had to shiftily get changed in front of someone; backed into the corner and hunched over like a little unbalanced gremlin

Obviously you can go swimming too. Don’t let my overly graphic musings put you off, Mooncups seriously are a product for everyone.

When it's in; weeing is totally normal, number 2’s are fine although can sometimes feel a bit weird. I did once lose one in a festival toilet because I started coming up hard and got confused about bodily sensations and managed to accidentally expel the Mooncup. I had to get one of my male friends to go and buy me tampons which was most inconvenient.

There have been a couple of times when my boyfriend has reached into my handbag or pocket and come into contact with it (clean though obviously!) and been slightly afraid. But he has recovered well.

Everyone I know who has bought a Mooncup has never ever looked back (even that earlier lady from Cosmo who made a Jackson Pollock of her bathroom returned to using it after the initial shock)

Are there any downsides to using a Mooncup?

Hardly. Us women would otherwise spend 1000's and 1000's of £ on menstrual products over a lifetime so buying one Mooncup is a very worthwhile investment.

Using one does require that you get very close and personal with your fanny and it’s juices. If that puts you off it's all the more reason to try one. The more familiar you are with our own parts and processes the better; not only can you keep track of your health, but the more accepting you are of your Downstairs Department the closer you are to being able to say 'I HAVE A WONDERFUL WOMB AND A PERFECT PUSSY!' with real conviction.

However, my one concern about the use of Mooncups is in relation to the above. In an ideal world the only things that would be touching my vagina and labia would be of a purely pleasurable nature. Unpleasant sensations could potentially cause some desensitisation and putting a Mooncup in or out is absolutely fine but it’s not like ‘mmmmm great’. (Therefore there may be some women, for example those who have suffered trauma, who won't want to put a sturdy object such as a Mooncup in their delicate parts, that is totally fair enough).

Even so, I’m certainly not ready to try washable pads or period pants or anything of the sort and I also regularly wax and shave in this area. So my Mooncup is fine. And actually it’s more than fine, it's brilliant.

If you don’t have one: go get

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