Mostly everything about it. Eye contact. Being on top and seeing him get close to finishing and then changing the movement or tempo so that he can’t (yet). Lying on my front while he fucks me in the arse and plays with my clit. Having attention paid to my boobs. Being in control. Being in love.
Overzealous neck grabbing – an occasional bit of it can be nice, too much is just annoying. Foreplay that goes straight for the clit with fast pressure, before me or any of the surrounding area has been warmed up (things need to begin slowly and gently down there) (Also head that starts with too much fast or strong pressure on the clit – too much). Being too shy to communicate with someone that I’m fucking, to tell them what I do or don’t want. OR Someone asking me what I want them to do, and not being able to fucking think of anything.
I used to worry that other people were having more, or better, sex than me. (I’m competitive) I used to worry about shitting myself during anal – I have now learnt that some days are for anal, and some days are most definitely not. I sometimes worry that the other person is worrying about how much I’m enjoying something… and so I try to make it obvious that I’m enjoying myself… but this just ends up distracting me from actually enjoying it. (now that I’ve written that down, I’ve realised this probably only happens when I’m actually not enjoying what they’re doing that much – lol).
When I was single I used to find it hard not to flirt with people who I knew were taken. Being in a relationship; sometimes you think, ugh why is this person even next to me right now?! One tiny argument or shitty exchange can totally ruin my whole day. Doubt is what I struggle with most, is this right, are we right, could it be better.
The fact that my bf usually makes me cum, and the idea that we have a whole life to try loads of wacky sex stuff if we want to, means I don’t suffer from sex FOMO so much now. (I had to spend a long time literally practising how to make myself orgasm to get to this stage though). Being honest with my bf about my tendency to overly doubt our relationship has helped, but I know I don’t 100% trust my own judgement when it comes to relationships, which is why I continually have to check in and make sure I’m doing the right thing for me. I used to prioritise a partner’s needs over my own too much, I have had to consciously train myself not to do that (reading books like Moody Bitches by Dr Julie Holland and Women who Run with The Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes has helped)